His hands…

It’s hard to believe my journey in to motherhood started over six years ago. Of course you always imagine your first pregnancy being an easy one...or at least your child being born alive at the end. We knew going in that day that Addie was dead. I had been aware of that fact for over [...]

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Six months…

Sweet girl, where has the time gone? Usually it feels like just yesterday- sometimes, you seem a million years away. I wouldn’t say things have gotten any easier, just that I’ve gotten more accustomed to our new ‘wound’. Everything is amiss. The holidays have been hard for years due to the loss of your sister, [...]

Balanced…

"Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy. Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced." Kahlil Gibran When you think of your first family photo, I’m sure there are a few things you have in mind...coordinating outfits, smiles, and of course the family itself. I guess that’s [...]

A family of five…

I am the Mom with two dead daughters. If that sounds harsh- it should. It’s a harsh reality. Everything I do feels like I’m going ‘against the grain’...uncomfortable. I’m painfully aware of all the things we’re missing out on- Addie’s first year in school, Viola’s forming laughter and baby rolls. Instead there is an alter [...]

That other room…

Check- in was at 9pm. This was a ‘courtesy’ given to us so we didn’t need to be admitted through the Emergency Room, which is necessary after 10. Of course we’re running late. I’m not sure if it’s due to my scattered brain, or subconscious stalling. I can’t remember what floor Labor and Delivery is- [...]